Co-Parenting with Your Ex

Co-parenting is basically both parents partaking in an active role in their children’s daily lives. It is a way to allow the children to have close relationships with both parents. However, it is often extremely difficult to put aside relationship issues, especially after a hostile split, to co-parent amicably.

Co-parenting after a split is rarely easy, especially if you have a terrible relationship with your ex-partner. It can be extremely difficult to get past the painful history you may have with your ex and overcome built-up resentment and anger. You may feel concerned about your ex’s parenting abilities, stressed out about financial issues, and feel worn down by court and/or conflict. However, co-parenting amicably and cordially with your ex can give your children stability, a sense of security, and peace of mind.

Despite many challenges and difficulties, it is possible to develop an amicable relationship with your ex for the sake of your children.  Here are a few Do’s and Don’ts to make co-parenting work better for you and your family:

Do’s

• Try to be civil to your ex in order to put your children first
• Try to remain calm and collected regarding your children with the other parent
• Act in the best interests of your children as best you can
• Address concerns with the other parent in a calm and rational manner
• If possible, agree on boundaries and rules for raising your children so that there’s consistency regardless of which parent they are with at any given time
• Be open to compromise at least some because it is unlikely that you will get all of what you want all of the time
• Have regular contact with the children’s school teachers/daycare teachers so you are aware of your children’s progress
• Know the name of your children’s teachers and meet the teachers
• Attend your children’s school events and conferences
• Make sure the school/daycare has your contact information
• Know the name and location of your children’s doctors and dentist
• Attend extra-curricular activities (as much as you can)
• Focus on your relationship with your children- make time together count
• If you are ordered to pay child support, timely pay child support
• Remember that everyone has a different parenting style. Your parenting style and your ex’s parenting style are going to be different.

Don’ts

• Do not bad mouth the other parent to the children or allow others to bad mouth the other parent in front of the children
• Avoid fighting with the other parent in front of the children
• Do not talk about the court case to your children or in front of your children
• Do not give up on your children even if the judge rules against you, do not let that keep you from caring about your children
• Do not stop seeing your children – see your children as much as your orders allow
• Do not let your anger because of your ex keep you away from your children

Co-parenting with your ex is often the hardest part, however, it is possible to develop an amicable relationship with your ex for the sake of your children. With these tips, you can remain calm, stay consistent, and resolve conflicts to make co-parenting work and allow your children to thrive and flourish.

Call Jane Gekhman at (940) 222-6014 if you are going through a family law matter. We can help.